29 Weeks: Divide + Conquer

June 18, 2012

As you already know, Matt and I have pretty non-traditional jobs. We’re lucky to own both of our businesses and be able to make decisions about our schedules how we want. The only drawback is that no one is there to do our jobs if we’re not, so the show must go on!

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While Matt doesn’t really get a formal paternity leave from his own business, I imagine he’ll be home a lot the first week or so since we’ve been able to take vacations. We really don’t know how things will go in the weeks beyond. I imagine we’ll figure it out as we go and we discover when and how we might want to tag-team responsibilities. Matt generally works from about 7am to 6pm, 6 days a week, although he has been coming home a bit earlier recently and has been able to take some vacations as well. He really enjoys his work and it’s casual being the boss, so he doesn’t feel like it’s been too much or too draining working that many hours. He really has the ability to adjust his schedule however he wants, but certain days of the week are more demanding than others (like Mondays are errand days, Saturdays are city market days, Fridays are slammed busy, etc.). And he has a huge pile of tasks to accomplish every week like scheduling, payroll, inventory, ingredient ordering and more, but they can be done pretty much at any time during the week. The bakery really runs best when he’s there (and owner presence is very important to us) so working from home most of the time isn’t something he’d choose even though he could easily do a lot of the work there.
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I am fortunate to have an extremely flexible schedule as well. I intend to keep both blogs going without too much interruption as we get settled. The question mark will be – what will they be like? KERF might drop to two posts a day (or even one until I get in my groove) and my meal content and frequency will probably change a lot. But with one camera or another, I hope to keep capturing my life through food. KERF’s goal has always been to share a real food diet within the context of life. Life’s pace has slowed down a lot (much to my happiness) since I finished my internship and the bakery opened, but it’s about to get very busy again and I will face new food and blogging challenges. After all, I have to keep eating!

BERF will probably become mostly a photo blog of our life with the baby – with content posts scattered here and there as time permits. I started it for fun, not to stress myself out, so if I’m feeling overwhelmed, I’ll probably slow blogging pace on BERF and keep KERF the priority. But photos are really easy – text is not! At the least, I’d love to capture our first year as a family in photos. But my ultimate goal is to include lots of content, reviews and discussion as well.

Aside from my blogs, I plan to devote most of my time to the baby once he arrives, giving up many of the freelance writing projects and bakery jobs that I have done between blog posts over the past few years. And sadly most of my traveling and blog conferences – at least for the first year.

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I imagine that Matt and I might work out a schedule of sorts after nursing becomes less frequent where he is 100% dad a morning, afternoon, day or multiples each week and I take some time to myself to get out of the house and write in a coffee shop or work at the bakery. Or maybe just go grocery shopping or for a run! That will give us a chance to change roles and will give him quality dad time and a break from his job. And hopefully Grandma KK will be fun for the baby to play with for an afternoon or so too : )

I’d love to hear your thoughts: how do you divide tasks with your spouse or partner? Or if you are a single parent, what tricks have you found help you take care of the baby, house and yourself?

Any tips or strategies to share with a new mom-to-be?

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{ 57 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Lisa June 18, 2012 at 8:13 am

I have an 11 month old. This is what we do…

When T was small I pretty much had him non stop. Once you get into a routine with nursing it’s really easy to leave your baby for an hour or two.

Our rule since about month 2 was that my husban does the early wakeups. Always.
But, after he’s all mine pretty much for the rest of the day.

It’s fun! You’ll figure it out.
It’s your sweet baby…you’ll always want him around and will miss him when he’s not!
Enjoy the ride!

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2 Reghan June 18, 2012 at 8:18 am

I think your set up will work really well, it’s nice that your jobs are flexible! My husband runs his own landscaping company and I work at home doing the books, errands, payroll etc. so we should be pretty flexible too. I should still be able to get in all the work I need to do at home and once landscaping season slows down (late fall, Winter) my husband should be more flexible to send his employees out and be able to stay home here and there to give me some relief (to have a nice workout, go grocery shopping, have a bath or something, to spend time with his son) Also in the dead of Winter he usually doesn’t have many jobs going on anyways so he should be able to be home lots! His employees are pretty good and he will probably take a week or so off in August when the baby arrives but we are also of the same mindset and he’s at work everyday because he likes to be involved in everything going on. I’m so thankful I get to be home with my baby!

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3 Molly @ RDexposed June 18, 2012 at 8:18 am

How soon will Matt have baby brewing and baking bread? You’ll find out one day when you return from a day of coffee shop writing.

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4 Nicole June 18, 2012 at 8:18 am

I can’t wait to see how this works out for us, too. I work at home, which allows for flexibility, but I pretty much keep to an 8-5 schedule. Thankfully we have a generous 4 week paid time off policy, so I have some of that to rely on in addition to my leave. We thought last week we had my husband’s leave figured out, but he got laid off, so now we don’t know what he’ll have. And my parents are moving out of state, so there won’t be any help there. Plenty of other people make it work, so I’m sure we can too!

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5 Morgan June 18, 2012 at 8:19 am

We have a similar situation. My husband is self-employed, and I work from home at a very flexible job. We don’t have a nanny and take care of our 6 month old ourselves, with a little help from family when we need it.

We have a baby/work time chart going every day. For instance, from 7-10a.m., I’m working, and he has the baby. From 10-2 p.m., we switch. It’s not set in stone, but it does help us stay organized and know what our responsibilities will be at what time.

I do have a question for you about health insurance. Would you mind sharing what company you guys use for private insurance? And what it costs for maternity coverage/regular coverage? You can email me if you don’t want to share publicly.

We are interested in just running the family business together, and that would mean we wouldn’t have insurance through my current job. I need to know what life will look like paying for insurance privately before I make any decisions. Thanks, Kath!

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6 KERF June 18, 2012 at 8:37 am

We use Blue cross blue shield of va. It’s a couple hundred dollars a month and my maternity was an additional $70 a month with a 6 month waiting period. Make sure you look into deductibles and coinsurance. Knowing that births can go all different ways, we picked a plan with a little higher monthly cost but zero covariance after the deductible so there will be no surprises.

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7 Kerry June 18, 2012 at 8:24 am

You sound pretty laid-back about it all which is good – I’m not sure there’s loads of point making detailed plans when you don’t know what the reality of life with the little guy will be like!

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8 Kat June 18, 2012 at 8:26 am

We were fortunate to take some maternity and paternity (we work the usual 8-5 jobs). Jon was home for the first 2 weeks with us and then I stayed home for 3 months. Now with daycare and 2 full time jobs, things tend to get rather scheduled. Here are a few of my posts (rather than super lengthy comment) that will share our routines:
A day in the life of a 4.5 month old: http://livinglikethekings.com/2011/06/a-day-in-the-life-of-the-kings-4-5-months/
“Routine” with a 5 week old: http://livinglikethekings.com/2011/03/routine-schmoutines/
Some wisdom for 0-3 month old: http://livinglikethekings.com/2011/05/some-baby-wisdom-0-3-months/
A day int he life of an almost 1 year old: http://livinglikethekings.com/2012/01/a-day-in-the-life-of-an-almost-1-year-old-friday/

Hope these help!
I think the moral of the story is that time goes by really quick and things keep changing and evolving – so whatever you do one day will probably change the next. And coffee. That’s also really important.

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9 Allison k June 18, 2012 at 11:47 am

Kat-
Thanks for your links. I loved the wisdom for a 0 to 3 month old. We have just entered the 6 week fussy phase…and it is nice to be reminded that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

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10 Kat June 18, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Allison – it’s crazy how “impactful” all the phases are, yet how quickly they pass.

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11 Julie H. of Spinach and Sprinkles June 18, 2012 at 8:31 am

I am scared out of my mind for the first few weeks- I’ve heard that post-pardom baby blues can be TOUGH and I’ll basically be going it alone while on maternity leave for those first six weeks with a newborn.
My husband is a teacher and football coach- this means I’ll be home alone from 6:50am- 8:00′ish pm on the weekdays and even longer on the weekends with football games– even though baby H will tag along to football games. I’m going to be soooo alone and it scares me. But, I feel for the husband, it will KILL him to be away from his brand new baby so much. I just hope we will be strong enough to make it though……. and I’ll still searching for daycare after 6 weeks when I go back to work full time. Eeeeek!

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12 Earthy Nicole June 18, 2012 at 11:34 am

I was very alone too, with my husband in Iraq for the first year. It was hard, yes, but you can do it. I’d encourage reaching out to other women, whether online or in real life, since just talking can do wonders. When my husband was deployed, I took at least a photo a day and videos so he wouldn’t feel like he was missing so much. xx

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13 Megan June 18, 2012 at 5:52 pm

You’ll be okay. Don’t be afraid. Like another commenter said, definitely reach out to friends or family for any help, or just to come hang out with you during the day. I’m a mom & we have ALL been there in those first few exhausting weeks of your baby’s life.

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14 Kelsey June 19, 2012 at 5:42 pm

It was pretty yucky at times. I think I cried everyday for like a month straight… but really it goes away!!! Now I am so happy and just adore my new family.

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15 Melissa June 18, 2012 at 8:55 am

Sounds like a great plan. I know for us it’s been very much a tag-team effort since Day One. Luis helped with everything–changing diapers, cleaning bottles, helped “prime the pump” (i.e., keeping Maya awake while nursing), bringing me whatever I needed … it was HARD because he was in the last year of his MBA and was traveling to Ann Arbor (from Kalamazoo–ie, 90 miles each way) twice a week still so I was alone with Maya a lot during my 12-week leave … but he was still a huge help when he was home and I appreciated that a ton. He also never missed a prenatal or wellbaby visit (and today we have her 18-mth checkup!)

I only exclusively nursed the first two weeks and then began pumping and I have to say, it helped a LOT … I loved being able to step out for more than 2 hours (though I didn’t for a long time) and it helped Luis have time with Maya, giving her a bottle and having that crucial skin-to-skin. People will say it messes up the baby … I COMPLETELY disagree. She had breast and bottle (donor milk, or my milk) from day one and was never ever confused. She loved both and went between them for nine months until she decided she was over breastfeeding.

You guys have a great set-up with you working from home already and I think it’s OK if your blog purpose changes/morphs because you are a mom now. I know mine did …

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16 Melissa June 18, 2012 at 8:59 am

Oh and I should say, I did a mix of breastfeeding, pumping and formula for the first nine months. Having options REALLY helped me out … especially as an active young mom who didn’t want to be tied down. Even if I’d been a SAHM I don’t think I would have exclusively nursed. I think a lot of it has to do with parenting philosophies but really til the baby is there it’s hard to say what a mom will and I don’t know I’d nurse/pump with #2 as long as I did with Maya — pumping at work was AWFUL.

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17 KB June 18, 2012 at 9:05 am

The very beginning is the most difficult. Especially if you are breastfeeding, you’ll pretty much be attached (no pun intended!) to your baby 24/7. I mean that in the best way possible, though! I was shocked at how desperately I missed my son even if I was just running to the grocery store for 30 minutes! Until you have a set schedule, and a solid milk supply, you’ll likely be doing the bulk of the work on your own. My husband brought the baby to me to nurse in the night and first thing in the morning. He also handled lots of diaper changes too. But, the 8-5 (which in our case is more like 6-7!) was all me. It’s very empowering, though, being the primary caregiver. It’s HARD. It’s EXHAUSTING. It’s SO STRESSFUL. But it’s also SO VERY WORTH IT!

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18 Anna June 18, 2012 at 9:07 am

Time to yourself changes with a child. The things you have time for and what priorities are definitely shift. I used to think anything less than a 30 min. workout was a waste but it is all I can squeeze in somedays. We had our baby last May and my husband is a college prof. so he was home all summer. I made a point to leave the house every day and we exclusively BF. It was no big deal – I think if I had been hung up on nursing in public I probably would’ve been a shut in and gotten some sort of depression. We tried bottles so.many.times with no luck but in the end, it was great since we had no pacifiers and my baby took to a glass pretty early.

Anyway, for as great as my husband is, I don’t think he truly stepped in and loved parenting until 6 months only because they are so mommy dependent and just not as cool until then. Now that she’s 13 months, they seriously spend all day together and have a blast.

We also made a point to let my husband sleep most nights. We co-slept (not in the original plan but never say never when you are a mom) so I was only up for a minute here and there each night for the first 4 or 5 nights. I would nap with the baby occasionally while he would do writing or office tasks. It just never made sense for both of us to be awake when I was the one who would feed the baby and I could almost always nap when he would have some obligation to do.

You’ll get into a rhythm and everything is so intuitive that it should just fall naturally.

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19 Gretchen June 18, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Ha, we said we never would co-sleep and with our first one it was my hubby (against it) who put her in bed! I say don’t fight it so you can all get sleep! They grow so fast and soon there’s no more little feet in your back.

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20 Kim @ girlevolving June 18, 2012 at 10:14 am

I think just having an awareness of when you’re “done.” There are moments where I just realize I really need a break from Leo (he’s 10mos.). Being able to recognize that and communicate it (and not feel guilty!) is huge so I can get some space and then come back refreshed and ready to go again!

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21 Brittnie (A Joy Renewed) June 18, 2012 at 10:29 am

My husband and I agreed on a night routine that is working well for us! Our daughter is 6 weeks old. At 3 weeks old we introduced a bottle (I’m pumping breast milk). So. . . my husband will feed her via a pumped bottle the last feeding of the night (typically 10 or 11pm for us). That means I go to bed after the prior feeding. It allows me to get in a few extra hours of sleep and then once she wakes up after the bottle feeding I take over! Seems early to go to bed at 8:30 or so but let me tell you it is SO worth it and at least I am getting 4 straight hours of sleep before she’s up in the middle of the night. :) Just an idea but it’s working for us!

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22 Nicole June 18, 2012 at 11:02 am

You might want to look into hiring a postpartum doula for a few times a week when Matt goes back to work. The work we do is so important for new moms and much-needed in our society where new moms don’t really get any support (parenting, breastfeeding, newborn care) past the two days they spend in the hospital. As a postpartum doula, I basically take care of the mom so she can take care of her baby. I make sure she has healthy snacks readily available throughout the day, cook dinners so they can relax in the evening and spend time with their baby instead of spending time in the kitchen, I do their laundry, give mom an hour break with the baby so she can shower in peace or take a much-needed cat nap to catch up on sleep etc… I also educate the new mom on all things baby–newborn sleep, feeding, soothing…
Not sure if there are any PPD where you live but you can check on the DONA site and see :) http://www.dona.org

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23 Susan June 18, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Yes, yes, yes!!

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24 Earthy Nicole June 18, 2012 at 11:29 am

The first year was much different for us, since my husband deployed when my little girl was 5 weeks old and didn’t really come home until a month after her first birthday. I was very lucky to stay home with her and learned everything through trial and error, since I didn’t have anyone to help me. I quickly learned to “sleep when the baby sleeps” as much as possible because it truly made a huge difference. Don’t get me wrong, with a colicky baby, I still found myself crying right along with her because I felt so helpless but at least I wasn’t falling asleep on the job! Haha.

Now that my husband is home, I still feel like I am very much the primary caretaker. Just now, when he gets home from work, I get a couple extra breaks and I have someone to help me make decisions and someone to share the amazing moments with.

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25 Marissa@ohhhsolovely June 18, 2012 at 12:12 pm

the two of you are so very organized (in all areas of life, it seems), & it’s such an inspiration to me!

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26 polly June 18, 2012 at 1:12 pm

you guys will do SO great! Just take it one day at a time. and i love that somebody said Matt will have him brewing beer and baking before ya know it! hehe

oh and Baby Kerf has now become my favorite. So maybe make that one the priority??? ;) just kidding… but it is my fave now. :) love.

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27 Averie @ Averie Cooks June 18, 2012 at 1:13 pm

You just won’t even know from one day to the next what life will be like and it’s honestly best to try to not even plan it b/c you just won’t know. Basically you will be nursing around the clock for the first month(s) and baby will be attached to you…so plan on getting comfy in your rocking chair :) Have Matt do everything else that he possibly can since you will literally be tied up with baby. 8 to 12 feedings a day. 20-30 mins each. Do the math :) You will spend AT LEAST 6 hours a day *just feeding* the baby. You can’t walk around and cook oatmeal while that’s happening. And then baby will fall asleep on you and you won’t want to get up to disturb the peace. Of course everyone’s experience varies but by and large, I think most new moms will agree, tons of time is devoted to just…the act of feeding. Let husband do everything else you possibly can have him handle!

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28 KERF June 18, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Can I just say that right now the thought of spending every waking (and maybe sleeping) minute with my baby makes me really, really excited :)

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29 Averie @ Averie Cooks June 18, 2012 at 1:26 pm

You’re going to LOVE IT!! My fondest memories of babyhood days are those every-waking-second together moments :)

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30 Laura P June 18, 2012 at 2:06 pm

I think you are super super smart to know you’ll need you time!!! That is the best thing to plan and schedule b/c you’ll find that is the first thing you give up!!
One thing that I struggled with was being productive when some one else was holding the baby. If you are at a party and some one offers to hold your kiddo, make sure you eat.
If grandma comes over or Matt comes home early, then take advantage and take a nap or long bath!
A schedule will emerge quicker than you think! You’ll be surprised how easy it will be to function on less sleep than you are used to and that doesn’t last forever either.

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31 Katie June 18, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I have a flexible schedule as a telecommuter, and my husband works afternoons/nights. When our baby was about three months and my maternity leave ended, we started a schedule that we continue to this day; she is almost 2 now. I am with her in the mornings, and then others take over in the weekday afternoons while I work. My husband has her one afternoon per week, and our moms and a babysitter split up the other “shifts.” This gives me concentrated time to get my work done while also spending long mornings and evenings (and all weekend) with our daughter. And I think it has been great for her because she’s established strong bonds with our moms and the sitter, in addition to getting some alone time with her dad every week. I personally think I’m at my best as a mom when I get good-sized breaks to work and do my own thing, but everyone is different.

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32 Angie All The Way June 18, 2012 at 2:12 pm

After you find your grove as new parents, have you guys considered setting up some sort of “family room” at your bakery if it’s at all possible? If you had the small room somewhere, maybe you could have a pack & play and a couch or lazyboy or something there to allow some flexibility to spend some time there with the baby in a quiet place suitable for sleeping. That way “presence” can be there at the same time on days where you kind of want/need to do both? It would all depend on the temperment of your little guy of course. Just a thought and maybe not at all realistic for your set up, but something to think about when you’re the boss(es)!

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33 KERF June 18, 2012 at 2:14 pm

We don’t really have the room. We did get a changing table though!

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34 Diane June 18, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Our schedule would be very different than yours because I work outside the home (lawyer) and have childcare. But I stayed home for the first year with my first and almost 6 months with my second kid, and it would have been hard for me to get much work done during the day. You spend so much time feeding them, cleaning them and getting them to go to sleep. Then during nap time you either try to take a nap yourself or try to get some housework and laundry done. It will be interesting to see how you fit it in. You seem very organized and on top of things so you will be fine.

I tried to schedule a few outings during the week so I didn’t just end up staying in my nursing tank and pjs all day. I joined a strollerfit group that meet every morning during the week days. That was fun to get some exercise and I met some other moms. I also joined a playgroup that met once a week and found some other great mom friends with kids the same age. We still meet at least once a week even though our kids are almost 5 and most of us have more kids now. It also helped to get on a more structured cleaning schedule – knowing that you were *done* for the day (because other chores were scheduled for later in the week) took away some guilt from just sitting and reading a novel during naptime.

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35 Angel7 June 18, 2012 at 2:43 pm

My suggestion is to schedule a day each month for a little break — it makes coming back to the lil’ one all the more exciting.

I know that I cried when I would drop our daughter off at the babysitter’s house when I was working a bit after she was born, but it got better over time.

Also, if you breastfeed, pump some milk so that Matt can feed the baby — something that you probably already thought of doing :)

http://faithfulsolutions.blogspot.com/

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36 Sarah @ In Sustainability and in Health June 18, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I’m not a parent, but my parents have always worked together, and they had a great system for taking care of my brother and me. My mom would pack our lunches every morning and send us out the door with my dad, who would drive us to school. Then, she’d get ready for work and meet my dad at the office. My dad would typically pick us up at the end of the day while my mom would go home and start on dinner. My dad was also the one who took us to doctor/dentist/other appointments in the middle of school/work days, and my mom usually took us to more weekend errands/practices/events. We also grew up going to pre-school and afterschool, and loved it! I didn’t mind that I didn’t have a stay-at-home mom one bit, and I am super close with my parents today.

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37 Faith June 18, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Don’t forget bonding time with aunty Faith! ;)

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38 KERF June 18, 2012 at 3:21 pm
39 Gretchen June 18, 2012 at 4:40 pm

My hubby and I both work outside the home and we have 2 girls (10 and 4). I work 8-5 M-F for a family owned home builder (and have a lot of flexibility). Hubby works a varied schedule (7-5, 8-6 or 1:30-10:30) and varied days for a large Texas based grocery store company.

We stay as consistent as possible in that the girls have specific morning and evening routines that we rarely stray from. Who takes them to school and daycare and picks them up varies. Also who takes them to extracurricular activities varies. Luckily hubby has a much better schedule now and it’s planned out in advance so we can be more consistent than we used to be, and it’s not always me running around!

We don’t have family that lives close by, so it’s pretty much the 4 of us, and the girls go almost everywhere we go. We take them to dinner out, shopping, to friends’ houses for dinner, etc. This has definitely helped in teaching them how to act in public!

My hubby and I are a team, and we have always worked together like this; it’s all we’ve known since we’ve been together (he’s been with the same company for 17 years – since high school) and we’ve been married over 11 years. The only thing he won’t do is the grocery shopping!! ;)

It’s an evolved process, just like having a baby is. You just get accustomed to it!

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40 Andrea @ The Skinny Chronicles June 18, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Hey Kath! I am excited to finally come out-of-the-closet as an official pregnant lady on your blog! I’m 15 1/2 weeks. I’ve been letting myself re-read all of your old posts, week by week, as a treat for every week I finish.

I am lucky and get maternity leave from work…but I have no idea what we’ll do for day care after that. We are in a rural area without a lot of options!

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41 KERF June 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Woo hoo congrats!!!

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42 Janna June 18, 2012 at 8:40 pm

No great advice here. You kind of fumble through the fog of 0-3 months until you and the baby develope a natural “family” routine.
Months 0-3: we alternated wake ups and I nursed in bed at night while laying on my side. Bobby worked 7:45-4:15 Monday-Friday but because of a colicky baby we were both up with her 3-4 times between 9pm and 7am.
Months 3-6: Baby is in bed between 8pm-9:30pm (depending on naps). Bobby takes the early 5:45-6:30 wake up and feeding. I get back up with her anytime between 6:30-8:30. I have her at home all day where I work and have varied meetings & phone calls/emails. Daddy takes her in the evening for an hour or so while I have a little mommy time. Then we do the evening routine (bounce, play, eat, bath, bed) together as a family.
So far so good! It seems like when one phase starts it changes to another soooo quickly! No time to adjust and most “plans” get thrown out the window for flybytheseat mommy intuition!
Best of luck while you find whatever groove works for you!

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43 Katie @ Pop Culture Cuisine June 18, 2012 at 8:57 pm

When our little Kherie was born it was sort of a team effort, whatever she needed we would often try to figure it out all together. My husband works 50-60 hours a week, so I knew early on I was going to have to take on most if not all of the baby and house duties. When he is home he is very helpful, but I would say that the day to day stuff falls pretty much on me, but to be honest I’m a control freak and sort of like it that way :)!

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44 Marci June 18, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Definitely let him do a bottle. My husband did the middle of the night one while I pumped at the same time. We also tag team, like he changes the diaper while I get ready to nurse. He swaddles and rocks back to bed. And do try to get out of the house, even if for 30 minutes to the grocery or to get an eyebrow wax or a few minutes to shower in peace. Very important things!

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45 Elizabeth June 18, 2012 at 9:08 pm

I worked full time before my kids were born and my husband is a student who also teaches a bit. When our son was born I luckily had a 3 month maternity leave. And when I went back to work my employers were flexible and I switched to a part time schedule that adjusted to my husbands changing schedule. We eventually settled on a regular schedule of me being with my son in the morning and then working in the afternoon while the little man took the bulk of his naps. 4 1/2 years and one daughter later that is still our schedule. We were lucky that both of the kids were marathon afternoon nappers which allowed my husband to continue to get work done while I was at work. With your flexible schedules maybe a regular schedule based on the baby’s schedule will show itself…..

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46 Diana @ frontyardfoodie June 18, 2012 at 9:22 pm

I just had my second son three weeks ago and I have to say, I am amazed by women who are able to balance a career and children. I am soooo blessed to have a husband who provides so I can be a stay at home mom.

You guys are going to do great. You’re fortunate in your situation that you can be a full time mom and still work too. I definitely don’t have a blog like you but I don’t have a problem blogging daily with my two sons at all. hehe

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47 Christina June 18, 2012 at 9:25 pm

We were a bit different since I had a c-section each time (huge babies + tiny momma=big problems!). We currently work opposite schedules so that we don’t have to put the girls in daycare and it works for us. We like to call our lives organized chaos. You’ll start getting to a schedule around 5 or 6 weeks and it’ll all be much easier :)

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48 Lindsay @ Fuel My Family June 18, 2012 at 9:40 pm

If getting away is important to you I would read Babywise and put the baby on a 3 hour schedule. If you nurse on demand then you can never really leave because you never know when the baby will want to be fed if hes not on a schedule. It also makes it easier to know that if he cries, and its only been 1.5 or 2 hours since he last nursed, then he is tired, not hungry. Its hard not to give in and just nurse the baby to calm him down, but it gets them on a great schedule and makes them sleep through the night better as well! Obviously if its been 2 hrs 45 minutes then yes, he may be hungry but I never did closer than 2.5 hours. It helps from making you have to sit on a couch and nurse all day long if you let him become a “snacker”. Just my 2 cents on what worked with my babies!

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49 Ginna June 19, 2012 at 3:06 am

I would advise against trying to get baby on a schedule until at least 4 months. If you are exclusively breastfeeding it really should be on demand. Yes it is hard and at first you feel like just a set of boobs, but its really best for your baby. I am a FTM to a 9 week old and am exclusively breastfeeding and only within the last few weeks have pumped here and there just for an occasional bottle. Bottle prep and pumping is a PITA. It is so much easier to just breast feed the baby, even when out and about. In the beginning I had to wake my baby to eat she was so sleepy that first week but now she eats more frequently during the day sometimes and goes longer at night. I was working full time and quit my job to be a SAHM. After breast feeding was established and going well I did find I needed to get out of the house without the baby every so often. I make sure to feed before I leave and there is milk frozen if my hubby needs it to feed the baby. Otherwise its just me and her. And schedule wise, my husband works lots of hours, night and day shifts, and basically comes to my rescue once home. He works 12 hours and still wants to come home to help with the baby and it is such a big help. He will also get up and change her while I set up to nurse and that helps as well. Plus cooking, cleaning, grabbing me water etc. That is what works for us!

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50 Jenn June 19, 2012 at 4:16 am

There has been a warning issued by AAP against using babywise and similar schedules. It may “work” for some but as a general rule, setting a time limit between feedings is detrimental to milk supply, especially in the first 3 months. Feeding on cue is recommended by all major health organisations.

Most women I know (including myself, with my 2 girls) feed on cue, and find that the baby usually naturally spaces out its feedings as it gets older. I get out regularly and even manage to work part time with feeding my babies on demand.

Kath, I liked this post – you’ll figure out something great I’m sure!!

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51 Liz June 19, 2012 at 1:45 am

Make sure each parent has an opportunity for quality alone time daily. Weather this is an ininyerrupted phone conversation with a friend or an afternoon walk alone.

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52 Amy-Nutrition by Nature June 19, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Very nice post. You will come into your own routine with your baby as will Matt. It’s all a big adjustment but it will all even out in the first few months.

I am about to have my 4th and with all my children I did on demand breast feeding. Fed them all from 14-18 months old. They all eventually sleep through the night and were happy, healthy babies. I was also a nurse in a level two nursery many years ago and Babywise theory was NEVER reccomneded by any of the pedi Dr’s, nurse practitioners, lactation consultants, and nursing staff. In fact we were told to explain why Babywise was/is a bad idea. The theory is not backed up by leading organizations, the AAP and La leche league to name a couple.

In the end it’s very simple, breast feeding works when you are open minded to the beginning bumps, baby is born healthy, and you are healthy. It’s a natural process that will eventually be fined tuned by you and your baby.
Good luck in all your decisions!

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53 Kelsey June 19, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Unfortunately after my 3 months of maternity leave I had to go back to work :(

I have a 5 month old baby boy and this is how we handle the schedule:

My husband works two jobs, part-time pre-school teacher from 7:45 to 11:15, then a Behavioral Therapist for autistic children in the evenings and Saturday.
During the school year my husband and I both wake up at 5:30. We get ready then wake up the baby around 6:15 (if he is not already awake). We get him ready, feed him, then I leave for work at 6:30. My husband drops him off at daycare at 7:15. He picks up the baby at 11:30. Then they get to play for the rest of the day unless my husband has his therapy job. Then he drops him off at my MIL’s house for a couple hours until I get home around 5:00. If he is at my MIL’s then I pick him up and then we play until Daddy gets home. I make dinner… then it starts all over!

The mid-nights we both get up. I feed him (bottle feed because I did not produce enough milk). We change him, swaddle him and then put him back to bed! He wakes up only once now, but he used to wake up twice… or in the beginning it was every two hours.

It really stinks because I have to work all day, but I feel Like like get a lot of mommy time in. I usually take most of the evening playing and feedings, bedtime prep and weekends because my hubs is the main care taker during the day.

Summer is a totally different story! Hubs gets to stay home all day except 2 days a week! These two days he is at daycare.

It all works out!!! No matter what you do as long as you provide your baby with lots of love and affection.

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54 Nancy June 19, 2012 at 10:28 pm

My biggest piece of advice is to not take on too much of the babycare yourself. In those early weeks I felt like I needed to do the middle of the night feedings on my own, because my husband had to get up and go to work all day. I really struggled with that and cried with the lactation nurse I visited a few times because I was just overwhelmed and didn’t really know it. Granted, we had twins — but still, you may feel like you were transported to the moon, and you need to share duties even at inconvenient times of day. You two will naturally determine a schedule and rhythm that works for you! (for us, I stayed home all day for 6 months while DH worked at the office… but when he was home, we shared duties, which is obviously pretty convenient with two babies. We always did feedings together, baths together, bedtimes together, middle of the night feedings together. We were really a team — and still are)

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55 Jeanette June 20, 2012 at 5:33 pm

From the time Dominic was a newborn till the time he turned five, I stayed with him through the week and worked weekends and then it was daddy’s turn to care. My mom used to ‘drop by’ the first year or so then realized hubby could handle it all on his own. As a matter of fact I think he was better at taking care of our son all alone because he is more patient with him and I wasn’t around hovering and butting in. They have a tight bond :)

The only thing that would bug me is when people would say “Oh, how nice your husband baby sits on the weekend!”. Hu? He’s taking care of his child. I never paid hubby to stay with him!! Haha, some people!

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56 Amelia June 24, 2012 at 1:44 am

It’s great your plan, and schedules, are flexible. Each phase of the baby’s life (and it seems like every couple weeks is a new ‘phase’) will demand something different from you guys, and just taking as it comes is a recipe for success…and enjoyment!

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57 Lindsey June 30, 2012 at 1:21 am

This plan sounds great, organized and efficient! I continued college (15 credits) and worked 30 hours a week when my daughter was 9 months old. I was (still am) a huge proponent of attachment parenting and was able to maintain a really strong bond with my child. I admit, I slept very little and am probably permanently sleep deprived but it allowed me to be able to freelance and be with my daughter as much as possible.

Every child, every parent, they’re different. You can’t entirely ever be really prepared for parenting because you tailor your needs and expectations and have to become malleable for the best happiest & healthiest outcome for yourself, your partner and your child. You know, you’re family. :)

Good luck.

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