Thoughts On Baby #2

May 14, 2014

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We have always known we’ve wanted two kids (if nature allows us). Maaaaaaybe three but probably just two. Matt and I were each one of two and we were 4 and 3 years apart in age from our siblings.

When Mazen was born I always said we’d get to his second birthday and then start thinking about #2 so that they would be at least 2.75+ years apart. Even though I got pregnant pretty quickly last time (3 months, 2 if you don’t count the first short one), you never know how long it will take. 

I want to be able to have full conversations with Mazen before I have a newborn in my arms:

“Mazen, can you please hand mommy that water?”

“Mazen, what do you think about this or that?”

Of course, I know having two kids is never easy but I think the more communication we get down, the better off we’ll be. I have several friends with 2 under 2, and they are truly super moms!

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Despite all of this being pretty well though out, I still have worries that I’m falling behind. I tend to think of the moms with kids Mazen’s age as being the girls from my “class.” Like in school – your peers went through the same things you did at the same time. Well, many of the women in my senior class are already pregnant again – or have newborns! And those in “grades younger” than me too.

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There are definite pros to having kids back to back, but I think I’m one who would do better mentally with them farther apart. I relate kid spacing to going to grad school right after college. I knew I couldn’t have gone straight to grad school or I wouldn’t have enjoyed the process. I needed a break to get a job and reset my buttons. When I did go back to school, I appreciated it so much more because of that time off.

For me, babies are similar – I want a long break. I will know it’s time when I get excited about doing it all over again. I’m already excited because there was so many wonderful parts to it, but I’m also hesitant to dive in just yet because I remember how hard it was.

I have my hands very full with my one toddler and feel that we’re in a really good groove right now. I need to trust my gut that waiting a few more years is what is best for our family.

{ 57 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Katie May 14, 2014 at 8:04 am

Great post :) I feel the same way! Once Drake turned one everyone has been asking when Baby #2 is…! Still waiting a few more years, My hands are full as well :)

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2 Diana @ frontyardfoodie May 14, 2014 at 8:45 am

I can completely see the logic in this. My two boys are only twenty months apart and where that’s really nice now that they’re almost two and almost four, it was really hard at first, almost like I had two babies for a bit.

I’m pregnant with my third now and it will be almost two and a half years apart from my second and I find that to be a much better already since I don’t have to do so much physical stuff while big pregnant. Also a lot easier to have my two year old potty and bed trained before new baby. It was really hard to have my twenty month old bed and potty trained! I somehow managed that but it was stressful for me.

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3 Jennifer May 14, 2014 at 8:51 am

You’re right…everyone has to do what’s right for their family. We have two kids, 3 years and 4 months apart. We had intended to have them a little closer (we started trying at 18 months) but it just didn’t happen. I’m not sure why I envisioned them closer together but our spacing ended up being perfect for us. Our oldest was potty trained and independent and really able to play alone when needed. He was still taking naps or having quiet time but could skip it if we on the run that day. Most of all, he really understood what was happening in our family and he was excited about it. He would sit with me while I nursed or pumped when he wanted time for just the two of us to talk, he would bounce his baby brother in one of those bouncy chairs if I was busy with something and the baby was fussy, he could play quietly alone if I was struggling to get the baby down for a nap.

I’m sure other people are equally happy to have their kids close together, but for us I know our spacing was perfect. :)

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4 renee @ savoring life through the lens May 14, 2014 at 9:05 am

how, how i relate to EVERYTHING you’re saying here. it’s funny, because now that my second, he’s the same age as mazen, his bday is aug 29th, i look back and think, man, i spent SO much time in my mind, when my daughter was his age, thinking about baby #2. i pretty much thought about it since she was born, but my thoughts escalated once she turned 1.

i’m an only child, so deep in my heart, i knew i wanted another baby. i knew i was meant to be a mom to more than one. at a time growing up, i wanted 4 kids! well, now i’m good with 2! :) but once my daughter was one, i kept saying, “i’m not having another until she can talk to me.” even though it would have been fun to have them close in age as they grew older, right now, the way everything worked out, they’re EXACTLY 3 years apart.

i’m SO glad, for my mentality, that I waited until she could communicate to me. right now, with my baby boy’s age and how he can’t communicate that well…and a lot of it is with his whining voice, i’m brought back to those same exact moments with my daughter at this age when i was like, “oh man, can I do this with another???” my mind took over the show a lot…to the point of really not wanting to go through it all over again; pregnancy, newborns, no sleep, baby/early toddler communication and meltdowns. and my mind didn’t win…it couldn’t! it wasn’t meant to be that way. lol.

the right time will come and in the end, it all works out just as it should. that’s what i’ve learned so much with being a mom and pregnancy. i had a freak out moment once i found out i was pregnant with #2, because thoughts that I never thought about came creeping in…mainly thoughts on “how am I going to deal with sibling conflict” because I had no idea what that was like since i grew up without siblings and only cousins, whom I didn’t live with. but, now, yes, they have conflict, but the LOVE that I get observe every day between them is just AMAZING and it makes me wish I had a sibling myself.

my mind is SO grateful that I was able to understand what my daughter was saying when her brother was a baby, and especially now, that he’s half talking/half babbling. ;)

the best part about #2, is that you’ve done this before…you know what to do, and things are just way easier. and it’s true what they say, you don’t freak out so much over the little things, like, “are they breathing!?” well, i still do that from time to time. but, i’m waaaaay more relaxed!! especially with those shots at that the doctor, too!! something that shocked me!! :)

when the time comes, your little family will be SO fun to watch blossom with another baby boy or girl added to your family. and you’ll SO be able to manage!! promise! :)

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5 Kath May 14, 2014 at 9:09 am

: ) this is all good to hear

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6 Annie @ Home of Malones May 14, 2014 at 9:13 am

I can completely understand that and I found myself even with a 10 month old thinking about what life would be like if I was pregnant right now and had another baby around the house. How do you take showers or even sit with a cup of coffee?? I think it’s also nice that you won’t have 2 in diapers at the same time too!

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7 Lauri May 14, 2014 at 9:21 am

I felt as you did, that I wanted 2 kids, and weanted to space them far enough apart that I could truly enjoy the first few years with my first. I thought 3-4 years would be the ideal age difference. Unfortunately nature had other plans. I got pregnant very quickly with my son, but then when we started trying for #2, I had a couple of miscarriages and even a failed IUI, although I had no fertility problems that first time around. After a crazy experience last year that could be on the Dr. Oz show, I ultimately decided I was done with fertility (it just wasn’t for me although I think it’s great that people have success with it!), and done with “trying.” My son was 5 going on 6 and life was easy. I was 100% fine with our family of 3 and even was ok ith preventing another pregnancy, not wanting to “Start over” and fearing the issues that could come with my age (I am 38). Again, nature had other plans and I am now pregnant with #2, due in September. My son will be 7 in October and he is over the moon about having a sibling on the way (He had been asking for a long time). He is old enough to “get it” and he will be a big helper. Plus he is so independent that I really don’t need to care for him in the way I would have if he was only 2 or 3 (He gets dressed, makes his own breakfast, etc.). I honestly think that with my personality, this is the way it was meant to be. I’m scared about going back to sleepless nights, bottles, diapers, etc after going SO many years without all of that but I know we can do it.

I guess my point is that there really is no “perfect” time for a second baby, and you also don’t know how long it will take or what obstacles will be in the way that are out of your control. I saw friends go on to have baby #2 and #3 and I felt like you, that I was getting left behind. But I know it’s all working out in the end. Trust your gut and enjoy these early years with Mazen.

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8 Leah May 14, 2014 at 9:54 am

Nice well thought out post, but I hope you don’t think you need to justify your choices. As long as you’re not doing anything dangerous, which you’re obviously not, and you’re taking care of whatever children you have, which you obviously are, it’s none of anybody’s business how many you have or how far apart they are. I think “society” or whatever makes every parents justify their number and spacing choices, and it’s not right. I know only children who have had people express sympathy towards their lovely childhoods just because they didn’t have siblings – that’s not respecting a parent’s choice (or perhaps the person is accidentally being really insensitive to the couple’s fertility issues).

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9 Ali May 14, 2014 at 10:10 am

Family planning is hard. I have a 14.5 month old and there are people that were in our birth class that are due any day now or are pregnant again. My sister and I were 2 years apart and I always thought that was a nice gap, but I cannot imagine trying again right now. I am just not ready. I agree with you that I need a little more time to enjoy it again. I’m getting baby fever again, but I know now is not the best time for our family too. It’s hard because you never know how long it’ll take to actually get pregnant too. I got pregnant fast the first time too, so I’m imagining it won’t take that long, but I also have a different body than I did the first time. Only time will tell I guess…

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10 Lauren May 14, 2014 at 10:11 am

As others have said, I think you have to do what is right for you and your family…I am currently pregnant with #2 (due in July) and my son will be 5 in June. We actually started trying when he turned 2, and it just took a while. :) Now that it is worked out this way, I am SO glad. We had lots of great one on one time with him and have really gotten into the groove with being parents. He is pretty independent which I am sure will be a great asset when it comes to having a newborn around. Of course people often mention how much of a “helper” he will be and while I am sure he will…I’m not going to rely on it.

I watched MANY MANY of our friends have their second and even their third babies in the time its taken us to get pregnant with #2 and yes at times it’s difficult, when you feel like you are falling “behind”. But I’ve come to realize two in diapers is just not for me and it’s really all worked out for the best!

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11 Kathleen Ojo @ My Ojos May 14, 2014 at 10:12 am

I feel the same way, though for us cost is also a factor (I cannot FATHOM paying to keep two in daycare. We’d need a third income!) My brother and I were 18-months apart, and though we did have fun playing together, we were very competitive and I feel like neither one of us had much breathing room to become our own people. I think a lot of that had to do with parenting too, but still, I am looking forward to having another when my daughter is 3-4.

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12 Stephanie May 14, 2014 at 10:13 am

Also, I think it’s very good to space them to give your body a break and allow your nutrients and such to replenish. In a lot of old cultures, 2.5-3 yrs is the minimum spacing for babies and it’s taboo to have kids any closer because of the toll it takes on the mother’s body (and the possibility that the second baby might not have as many nutrients available as would be optimal). That could totally be an old wives tale type thing, but it’s an interesting tidbit to consider.

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13 Angela May 14, 2014 at 10:15 am

I always feel like I compare myself and my place in life to my peers also, and having kids was no exception. I did feel more pressure to have mine closer in age because of my age when I had my first ( 30) and my husbands age also ( 36) so we have our children at almost 2 yrs apart..
So just do what you need to for you and your family when you are ready! From what I gather it’s an adjustment either way! If they are close it’s hard because they lack communication and you are still working on firsts with your first– but sometimes the gap in age and the adjustment to having a more independent child to suddenly a helpless newborn and no sleep can be an overwhelming adjustment.
However- you guys are so smart and loving you will get through it and be better for it.

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14 Katie May 14, 2014 at 10:21 am

I’ve always heard that there are hormones in our bodies that help us “forget” the hard stuff (like childbirth and the lack of sleep after birth…and all the stuff that goes with being pregnant) so we are willing to have more babies. I have never given birth, but I know there has to be SOMETHING biological going on to make women want to go through childbirth more than once. ;) And I think it’s smart to listen to when your body is telling you that having another baby will be more fun than hard!

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15 Angelica May 14, 2014 at 10:30 am

Not to mention, it’s a lot more than how you compare yourself to others, if it should be that at all. Most of my friends with kids my daughter’s age (almost 3) already have two kids. I think I would go insane. I think I don’t want any more children unless we adopt. But anyway, you also have to think about where you hope to be down the line, especially financially. That new house may have to wait a really long time. Much less frivolous spending. Much more saving. Does Mazen have a 529 plan? Do you hope to support them both through college? Do you hope to leave the blog world and return to a full-time job with better pay and benefits? And many, many more questions! It’s so scary for me to think about bringing another child into the world. I always wonder how families with multiple kids handle those terrifying thoughts of the future. Or maybe the fact that it all worries me is a good indicator that I really should stick with just one kid?

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16 Lori May 15, 2014 at 3:29 pm

Hi Angelica,
I wanted to reply to your comment because the financial aspect is something I used to dwell over. The way I look at it now, family is so important to me, and I can’t imagine growing old without children. This may sound ignorant, but I can’t worry about money. It will all work out. Of course my husband and I both work and can afford our basic necessities, but making a lot of money is just not in the cards for everyone. I have to accept that I’m not going to be able to pay for college. My parents didn’t pay for my sisters and me to go to college. If I didn’t have children because of something like that, I’d be terribly sad and unfulfilled. I had to realize that the love in our home will be enough. I’m not saying that people should just throw common sense away and have a ton of children they can’t afford to feed and care for, but having children should not be a luxury reserved for people that make really good money. Sometimes we just have to follow our hearts and know that what we have is enough and we can make do. If a simple life is what we can afford, that’s ok. As long as we have a roof over our head, clothes on our backs, food on the table, and enough love to go around, it will be enough.

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17 Hannah May 18, 2014 at 10:15 pm

Love so many things about this. “if a simple life is what we can afford, that’s okay.” and “the love in our home with be enough”. Thanks, Lori!

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18 Sabrina May 14, 2014 at 10:35 am

“They” say that the ideal spacing for siblings for both the parents and the children’s benefit is 3-4 years. Mine are 18.5 months apart, but we want a big family. Also I like the idea of getting all the early challenges out of the way at once. We want to travel the world with our kids and it will be a lot easier once they aren’t baby babies. The closer in age we have them, the sooner we can do all that.

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19 Anna @ On Anna's Plate May 14, 2014 at 10:46 am

I just wrote about this on my blog too! Here’s the post (sorry, not trying to self-promote but we seem to be in the exact same boat!): http://onannasplate.com/2014/04/09/thinking-about-two/

I know EXACTLY what you mean about falling behind in your “class”– ALL of the moms that I started off with are either pregnant or already have second babies. And yet, I feel the same way you do– my sister and I are 3.5 years apart, and I’ve always felt that it was a good distance. Close enough to still relate and be close (and feel like siblings), but enough distance to where I think the “competition” between us was as minimal as it could be (for sisters, haha). And in terms of ease, I know exactly what you mean– I looked at my friends who had two kids under two and just felt tired for them, haha. If things go right, our kids will be three years apart, which will mean that Lila will be in school for half the day during the second kid’s newborn phase– which I have a feeling will be a BIG blessing.

And I haven’t forgotten how hard it is either. Sigh. ;-)

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20 Court May 14, 2014 at 10:54 am

Never feel like you have to “keep up with the Joneses” Kath. That’s their life, not yours. Have children because you want the CHILD, not out of an obligation you feel the need to fulfill to complete your Life’s Checklist. If you only want 1 kid, that’s OK! Enjoy your child and revel in the ability to give Mazen and Matt your undivided attention and love!! I hope this doesn’t sound preachy. I just feel very strongly about this issue.

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21 Lisa @bitesforbabies May 14, 2014 at 11:43 am

I opted for having mine close in age (and of course, God let that happen-not like it was MY decision, lol!) I couldn’t fathom waiting more than 3 years and then doing it ALL over again!!! Mine are 20 months apart. It IS very challenging, considering my son (the oldest) is very busy, on-the-go, etc. I thank God every day that my daughter was such an angel otherwise I would have lost my mind! She was sleeping from 9pm-9am (no feeding) from 6 weeks, sleeps like a log, and is very calm!! I don’t even want to know what it would have been like with another boy so close in age, lol! Now that my daughter is finally walking they interact much more and actually “play” together and it’s so sweet to see my son “teach” her new things. I love that they are going to go through the same phases in life at (almost) the same time!

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22 Bonnie May 14, 2014 at 12:38 pm

IMHO trusting your gut is one of the most important things.
I don’t have kids and at this point in my life (36) I doubt I will, so I’m not in the same situation.
But, that being said I loved your post and it made me think a bit. I keep putting off having kids until my gut says I’m ready. I’m now 36 and still saying it. I know behind my back some of my family, in-laws and friends call me selfish. I don’t view it as that at all, and if it is… its my life.
I am really just sick of the “when are you having kids?”. Guess what… its no ones business but my husband and mine!.
So I say enjoy your time with Mazen, and when you are ready for #2 you will know… just don’t wait to long :)

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23 Jessica May 14, 2014 at 3:57 pm

I can totally see your side. I decided to go the opposite route though. When we decided to have a second child (we are for sure stopping at two) I wanted to get pregnant asap if God allowed to get the no sleep/constant breastfeeding/pregnancy thing over with in one fatal swoop. :D Whatever works!

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24 lauren May 14, 2014 at 4:13 pm

I’m with ya. Once in awhile part of me thinks that it would be nice to “get it over with’ – and I swear I mean that with all the love in the world!! It’s just that it’s a lot on the body! I’m going to get back in shape just to undo it again? lol. Close spacing is NOT for us. My 10 month old has the crazies of a toddler. He is a blast, he is funny, he’s starting to talk and he is cruising. He is our everything right now. He needs us fully and we appreciate that. We also both work and I would not choose to finance two in daycare/preschool at once. Soooo if we plan a number two, that will be when this little guy is at least 4 :)
Who cares what everyone else thinks! Live and let live, right? We waited about 5 years to have this guy. But we also were together 7 years before we got married, no one should’ve been surprised.

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25 Robyn May 14, 2014 at 4:55 pm

Great post! If you’re falling behind your “class” then that makes me super old at 38 with my first baby who’s almost 15 months now. It’s amazing and disturbing how family and complete strangers alike make it their business to inquire about your plans for more babies, or any at all depending on where you’re at in life. I got married only 2 years ago and we got pregnant right away knowing that age was not on our side. I had my baby at 24 weeks and it was a very long, traumatic birth. Our son was born not breathing and was resuscitated and spent the next 4.5 months in a NICU before was able to come home. I can’t possibly convey the extent to which the trauma impacted my life, my marriage, and my start to parenthood. Now, we’re at a great place with a great groove. Having a second is not in thte cards, though that was the initial plan. For many reasons, our son will be an only: 1) our age (38 and 43), 2) cost (daycare costs are outrageous), 3) we both work full-time and my husband travels frequently for work, 4) the chances of ending up in the NICU with complications in another pregnancy are high, and 5) the physical limitations to my body if I were to attempt a second pregnancy. All that said, our family feels complete and we feel like we are doing well with one. But, the number of people who have suggested we need to have a second child is staggering. These are people who know what we went through to have our son. It’s shocking really. The size of our families is completely are own, so thank you for sharing your thought process. It’s always easier to conceptualize and plan for before we become parents, isn’t it. But, I look forward to hearing how your thoughts on baby #2 progress as time goes along. In solidarity to mommyhood!

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26 Kath May 14, 2014 at 5:36 pm

Oh man, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. xo

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27 Emily May 14, 2014 at 5:32 pm

I’m glad I’m not the only one who uses the “class” analogy. I am 35 and I still do it! ;)

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28 Addie May 14, 2014 at 9:06 pm

This all really makes sense to me. Before I had a child, I asked my friend who had kids first: when did you decide to have another? And she said she wanted to fully enjoy her daughter before thinking about a new little one. So they actually waited almost 5 years between their kids. And enjoyed it! I think either way you do it, it eventually works out.

Sometimes I read your blog and think, I could not do a blog about motherhood, because it’s a topic fraught with so many strong opinions and judgements, no matter what you choose. So, thanks for sharing, and I hope people continue to respect your choices as a parent. Cheers.

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29 Kath May 14, 2014 at 9:20 pm

I was nervous to write this post but thankfully it has been met with a lot of “me toos” : )

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30 Kristen @ The Concrete Runner May 14, 2014 at 9:10 pm

I have felt exactly the same way! Almost all the moms in my “class” have also had their second already. We really didn’t have a plan going in – I’d love to have 3 kids but then again, I’m so happy with my one. And I still feel like I struggle daily with parenting. I know we will have a second eventually and I’m happy with them being spaced out at least 3 years.

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31 Tina May 14, 2014 at 11:10 pm

My son was 7 when I thought one more. Then it was twins. He was almost 8 when they were born. I have loved the spacing! We got to spend so much time with him alone & then them too & he was a huge help when they were babies. Before long he could babysit! He’s 20 now & they’re 12. They all get along great. And I can pay for his college then have a break, haha! My sister & I are 8 years apart & we’re best friends. I’m sure whatever happens, it will be great!

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32 Lindsay May 14, 2014 at 11:17 pm

The feeling you have about falling behind. .man I had that so badly with just my first… I married much later than many of my friends and we started trying right away but it took some time and i kept feeling like I was falling father and father behind. I worried about it quite a bit but once we were finally lucky enough to have our baby that was all forgotten. He came at just the right time for us :) and your number two will as well…

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33 aimee May 15, 2014 at 7:46 am

as i read this I have tears in my eyes! I have a daughter who is exactly 1 month younger than mazen and am 12 weeks pregnant. with our daughter it took well over a year to conceive so we thought we would start now and hopefully be pregnant by the time she was three. well wouldn’t you know it, the VERY FIRST TIME we ‘tried’ we were successful! now I am completely freaking out lol. my fears at this point have overcome my joys :( hopefully this will all change real soon! kudos to you for not giving in to ‘mommy peer pressure’! every family is unique.

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34 Abby May 15, 2014 at 3:06 pm

aimee,
I have daughters that are 17 months apart, and wouldn’t want it any other way. Neither pregnancy was planned and I am an “older” mother having them at 35 and 37. I can understand your fears but I can say very honestly my husband and I have enjoyed this journey with them. They are both in diapers too :) I appreciate so much about having children close in age. Every family is unique and as a friend just told me there are many ways of doing things! I also have a friend who is planning a first b-day in July for her son and is expecting her second in July too!

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35 Lori May 15, 2014 at 4:00 pm

Aimee,
It will work out. Have faith in yourself that you can handle it. If sometimes just getting through each day means taking care of only basic needs, then so be it. You are enough for your children. When I feel super overwhelmed or anxious, it helps me to look at everything in my life with gratitude. If I’m hating my job, I focus on the fact that I’m grateful to be ABLE to work, and grateful that I HAVE a job. If I’m getting down because I can’t afford everything I want, I focus on what I have, and how very lucky I am to have anything at all. If I am having a hard day with my child, I focus on how blessed we are to even have a child, and that he’s healthy. Children are a gift, and even though it’s backbreaking hard work, you can do it!

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36 Lily May 15, 2014 at 3:06 pm

Hi Kath,

I hope you don’t mind me asking…my 23 month old girl has the same red/dry patches on her cheek as Mazen. We have tried moisturizer and coconut oil and nothing seems to be helping. Have you found any solutions that work for your little guy?
Thanks!

Lily

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37 Kath May 15, 2014 at 4:38 pm

The neverending struggle with cheeks. We have found cortizone to be really great (at the rec of our pediatrician) and the Aveeno Excema cream is also good. We might be going to a kids dermo soon. I had really bad excema when I was in high school so sensitive skin must run in the family.

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38 Lori May 15, 2014 at 3:13 pm

If I was younger I might have considered spacing my children farther apart. I got pregnant easily the first time, but was still slightly worried aobut secondary infertility, since my LC said it’s more common than you hear, and I’m 34. I know that’s not super old, but I didn’t want to be over 36 or so with an infant. Well, we decided to just go for it, and got pregnant the first time we tried! lol! Our children will be 22 months apart. I’m happy with this spacing, even though I know it will be hard. I figure there are pros and cons either way, and I’m sort of glad we’ll be getting the baby stages “over with” (for lack of a better way to phrase it. I appreciate every stage they go through. But the needs of an infant can take a toll.) I think whatever you choose, you are smart for thinking about it and making a CHOICE! I haven’t had to deal with the comparing to friends because most of my friends had unplanned pregnancies, or even planned ones, when we were in our 20s, and there was just no way I was ready for that. Now that I’m in my 30s, I have friends of a very wide age range and some have babies, some have kids in college, etc… Never joined a mom’s group, so I don’t have a group of friends with kids of a similar age.

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39 WilliamsburgBaby.com May 15, 2014 at 6:36 pm

Were I a little younger (I’ll be 36 this summer, ack!) I might have waited longer. As it is, we have two boys 19 months apart, mainly because we’d like 3 (or 4, my husband always adds, but I am not so sure about that, esp. living in New York.) I think the hardest part was that I never really recovered in between my pregnancies…and I felt both depleted and very unfit during my second pregnancy. I am really determined to feel like myself again before I contemplate another baby, so I think this next gap will be a bigger one, if we are able to have a third. I think the other hard part of having two under two is that you always feel you are shortchanging one baby….do I take my 21 month old to the playground, or my almost 3 month old to a tummy time class? Or, is it ok that my older son is watching Peppa Pig because I am nursing…That kind of thing…

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40 Liz May 15, 2014 at 8:36 pm

Good post! I can definitely understand where you are coming from. My husband and I always knew we wanted two children. It took 14 months of fertility treatments to conceive my daughter, so when she was 9 months old we decided to stop preventing pregnancy. Our plan was to wait until she was 18 months and then go back to the fertility clinic for another IUI. Wouldn’t you know that we got pregnant when she was 12 months, exactly two weeks after I stopped nursing! So, our kids will be 21 months apart. Closer than I wanted, but I have faith that it will all work out! Whatever happens will end up being the right thing for your family!

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41 Kath May 15, 2014 at 9:14 pm

I think it’s so crazy cool when things like this happen!

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42 WeNeedANanny.com.au May 16, 2014 at 3:43 am

I think it is a smart thing to take your time and wait, raising two kids takes a lot of time and energy. Having a second child is not like having the first because now in addition to your pregnancy you have a toddler to look after. Good move on your behalf.

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43 Kim May 16, 2014 at 1:51 pm

We originally were set on 2 back-to-back, we wanted Irish Twins. During labor I changed my mind lol and we’re contemplating being a one-kid family, I think that would work out great for us. Things change, dreams change… I think everything happens for a reason, and I think God didn’t plan for us to have Irish Twins because I still haven’t had a period since baby #1 was born 9 months ago. If God decides we’re such awesome parents that he’s gonna surprise us with a second one, great, but we’re not eagerly seeking it out.

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44 Becca May 16, 2014 at 2:11 pm

This was such a lovely and gracious post – thanks for sharing!

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45 AmyW May 16, 2014 at 2:38 pm

This is such a personal topic and the way the blog world can be I commend you for your honesty and your courage for even writing so openly about this subject…YOU are brave!

I am 43 and pregnant with our 5th. We struggled through years of fertility treatments and losses and after 10 years and 4 beatiful and healthy kids, we assumed we were done and complete. We gave everything away and I felt so very peaceful about the whole process. Life is funny and weird and sometimes very, very unpredictable. And people can be super insensitive. I am so grateful we live in the midwest (Chicago) and people have been ridiculously kind to us and are as excited as we are to meet our 5th baby on Monday the 19th :)

Follow what your heart says and you will never ever look back. Having babies and raising them is not a one size fits all. You are a great mom, Kath! Good luck…

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46 Laura May 16, 2014 at 2:50 pm

Don’t let feelings that you’re falling behind worry your or influence your decision. My babies are infertility babies. It took almost six years to get the first one, so he wasn’t born until I was 41. People who were in my high school graduating class were having *grandchildren*. I thought I should maybe give up because of that. I mean, was I crazy? Still trying to have a baby when people my age were having grandchildren. I didn’t quit though, and I finally carried a healthy baby to term. Then I did it again. I did back to back (because of my infertility issues that was my only choice), and my second was born when I was 43.

I’m so glad I didn’t quit. I’m so glad I didn’t let my worry about the fact that I’d fallen WAY behind stop me, because it almost did. I wouldn’t have the very best things in my life had I let that influence my decision.

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47 Kirst May 16, 2014 at 8:41 pm

And if you decide to pay for college it’ll be easier to do one at a time than two payments at once!

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48 jen May 17, 2014 at 7:40 pm

Mine are almost exactly 2 yrs apart and the little one is 10 months. I’ve been amazed at how much harder this year has been than I expected. My first was a poor sleeper with reflux so I thought I’d already been through the worst, but I failed to realize how much harder it would be to go through it a second time with a very busy, still needy toddler too. I’ll never know uf bigger spacing would have made it a but easier, but I often wonder. I feel like I missed out on a lot of time with my eldest between feeling like crap while pregnant and then recoveting from csection and now still just being beat from being upall night and home with both all day. I feel guilty that I’m too tired to be my best self for either of them right now. Maybe that would be my reality regardless of spacing, but just thought I’d share my experience.

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49 Laura May 17, 2014 at 10:03 pm

Great post! No matter when you decide/ it happens, it will be fine. It took us about a year of trying to get pregnant with our first daughter, it took 3 times with our second

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50 Hannah May 18, 2014 at 10:42 pm

It’s so hard not to constantly compare yourself to others. Ultimately, you have to do whats best for your family, and it sounds like that’s what you are doing. We don’t have kids, and are currently in the process of how to determine when we are “ready” for baby #1. We could always have a better house, make more money, pay off student loans, have a nicer car…. But if we wait to be 100% prepared, we might never have a kid!! I’m surprised by how many of those commenting have had diffulculty conceiving baby #1 and were almost surprised by baby #2!

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51 Tracy May 21, 2014 at 11:37 am

My husband and I had a rule that the children couldn’t outnumber the parents. It has worked so well for the last 20 and 18 years and now I am loving the adult relationship with my “babies”!

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52 mary May 23, 2014 at 2:33 pm

I totally relate to this post! thank you. I too know myself too well and for me waiting feels right. With friends starting round two, I like “well maybe I could do it” but, I know I would be a crazy person.

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53 Allyson May 24, 2014 at 6:47 am

I totally relate to this post and loved reading it!! My husband and I want three, so I feel some pressure to have them be close in age… I’m almost 29 and our first is 10 months. I have several friends with two under two… Super moms, like you said! I think We’ll be better parents if we space them a part more… I’m thinking 3-4 years. Anyway, I’m so glad you wrote this and to know I’m not alone! :) Mazen is adorable, by the way.

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54 Melissa @ HerGreenLife June 3, 2014 at 3:06 pm

I can definitely relate! My son will be three in July, and I feel like all of our friends with a similar-age first child have had a second child in the last year. While I’m enjoying the increasing freedom that comes with an older, more independent child, most of my peers are back in the baby days stage. For many reasons, I’m not even sure that having another child is right for our family, yet it feels like “everyone’s doing it.”

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55 Kori June 4, 2014 at 5:27 pm

Great post! Just in terms of timeline, I’ve felt pushed by some to get married & so on because of what many my age are doing. My bf & I have been together for 9 yrs in July, & although I truly see us getting married, I’ve had no desire to rush things. The only thing that stinks is trying to make sure we have fun as a married couple before starting a family, & he’s 5 yrs older than me. But I’m thankful for this post, Kath! It makes me calm to go with my own gut feeling. :)

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56 Lindsey June 4, 2014 at 9:29 pm

Love this post. We were totally not ready for a second when everyone from our “class” was having another. I’m now due in July and Baby #2 and Jed will be more than 4.5 years apart. More than we were planning, but it took longer the second time around. Still, Jed is so excited to meet his baby sister and help me with anything and everything… even poopy diapers:) So don’t stress if you’re not ready! It’ll happen when it happens:)

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57 Cyndi June 12, 2014 at 9:53 pm

Just go for it – bring more life into the world! You will not regret it.

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